What is beauty?

The pending question that always burns my brain is what is beauty. I never thought that I was a beautiful woman by society standards. However my parents and especially my Dad always said that I was beautiful, I never could comprehend that because socially it was said that I was ugly, skinny, and had short hair. No body else had dark skin I'm thinking in my mind and virtually I had no beautiful role models with dark skin except my homeboys mom Peggy she was about my complexion and she was beautiful. So as I age into my teenage hood in the back of my mind the beauty thing comes up again. So I try to be everything but beautiful, I create my own style of dress that has been perfected over the years to Divafied funk in stellitoes LOL. However in the 9Th grade the finest boy in the class Mr. P. Ray said to me " Your so beautiful I love your dark skin" WHAT! I flash back of what I was taught at home popped very briefly in my mind. But my skin color tone and texture is still controversial at this time. Even with Roshumba, Naomi and my favorite Alex Wek in the media. Okay 1992 comes around and I'm set to graduate by this time I'm confident, have pretty good self esteem I like the way that I look but I have no date to the prom. Due to in large by going to a predominately white school in Shoreview. I choose to blame it on this. Now I'm friends with the other black person lol (just friends nothing else) and in my mind I crafted that hum......wouldn't it be fun to go to prom with him? So I waited, and waited to see if he would ask. He never did- here is the part where my beauty and skin color come into play in my mind. He says I would have asked but I feel that its more important for me to fit in. Yall, he did ask a woman of color so I can't trip hard but the chick was Asain I think as a substitute for a light skin African American she was the next best thing but no where near as cute as me in my red dress. That experience left me a little distressed because it shocked me that he would have no alliance towards me a sistah or that I was not considered based on my color. So now I go off to college and thanks to Lauren Hill my look is in CULTURE SHOCK. At last, I became the pretty girl. But still in the back of my mind struggles with what is beautiful. So I attempt to be flawless. Perfect hair and when I came home I went to my hairdresser Greg at Salon 1014 to hook my hair up in the most different trend setting styles so much that a lunch lady asked me if I had a wig sittin' on the top of my head. I began to focus on my outside and neglecting my insides and boy that was work and not to mention that I felt like a sell out because I was a one dimensional woman and that contradicted everything that I stood for all because of my pretty attention. Now, these are the things that I know I am intelligent, I love God and his light shines through me, I'm caring, compassionate, and giving. Along the way I have struggles with my self perception and God used people to give me clarity. So no matter what beauty is on the outside I firmly believe it begins on the inside in stages, seasons and through heart break, revaluations and resilience. What is beauty to you your comments are welcome. Before I go my pickes for the month: aloe vera gel at Whole Foods, Iman bronzer beautiful, and almond oil can be found at any coop.